Your spouse was late getting home, and you’re upset that all the meal prep falls on you. The last load of clothes never got moved to the dryer. And the holiday lights are still packed away in the basement. In any relationship, there are plenty of things that can go wrong on a daily basis. Any one of them can lead to anger, especially when you’re tired and overwhelmed. During the holidays, there are even more opportunities for anger to challenge your relationship.
Understanding Anger
It’s important to remember that anger is a natural emotion, and it can be a healthy one. It’s the part of your chemical makeup that enables you to respond to threats or attacks. However, there are commonsense limits to how helpful that can be. Anger clearly becomes a problem when the rage escalates out of control — and when you’re not really being threatened or attacked.
Learning how to express your anger assertively, but not aggressively, is critical for your well-being and for maintaining healthy relationships. Keep in mind that the biological changes you experience during a bout of anger are real, from a rapid heart rate to headaches and more. Excessive and prolonged anger can jeopardize both your mental and physical health.
Who Gets Angry
Everyone gets angry at some point. But some individuals may have trouble dealing with frustration, and they often view things as unjust. This could be genetic, and there could be signs of irritability at a very young age. But a person’s environment also plays a role, such as growing up in a disruptive household where arguing was the norm. Other times, anger may be a response to stress, anxiety, embarrassment, hurt, and more.
Why People Get Angry
If you feel like you or your spouse may have a problem with anger, it could be from an inability to compromise. Do you listen carefully and try to understand your spouse’s point of view? Or do you insist that your opinion is the only way to view a particular situation? And do you get angry when your spouse disagrees with you? In many instances, it’s just easy to blame your spouse when things don’t go your way.
It’s important in any relationship to learn how to manage your anger and express it in a healthy manner. No one wants to say or do something they will regret. Take some time to talk with your spouse about how you will juggle holiday responsibilities and manage busy schedules. Things may still get heated from time to time, but when they do, take a time out. There’s a good chance you’ll soon forget about what’s upsetting you.
Image by Mohamed Hassan from Pixabay
Dr. David Lowenstein is a Columbus, Ohio-based psychologist with more than 35 years of experience. He conducts individual, family, and group therapy sessions in his German Village office and also via telehealth. Dr. Lowenstein is also available for expert forensic testimony, and for educational workshops and presentations. He is frequently called upon as an expert source for print, radio, and broadcast media. Contact Dr. Lowenstein at Lowenstein & Associates, 691 South Fifth Street, Columbus, Ohio, 43206, or call 614.443.6155 or 614.444.0432.
