When you were married, you and your ex-spouse were probably part of a social circle of friends. But when you decided to go your separate ways, the dynamics of those friendships began to change. That’s because many of those individuals didn’t know how to navigate what was happening, and they may have felt the need to take sides or remove themselves from the situation altogether. It’s uncommon for friends to maintain a relationship with both parties after a divorce.

There are additional reasons for the loss of friendships post-divorce. Some of your friends may have felt they were caught in the middle of a battle between two people they care about. Maybe they unknowingly became a mediator, which naturally brought added stress to the friendship. Or perhaps you have friends who were simply sad to see the marriage end, particularly if they associated good times with you and your ex as a couple.

Unfortunately, this loss of friends comes at a time when you’re already grieving the loss of your marriage. So how do you cope with this additional change in your life? Here are some tips.

• Keep the lines of communication open. Rather than trying to hide your marital situation, let your friends know what’s happening. Make sure they understand that you’d like to maintain their friendship, but set some ground rules in the meantime. If group gatherings are no longer comfortable, look for different ways to connect.

• Avoid putting your friends in the middle. While it may be tempting to spout off about your ex-spouse to a friend or expect a friend to take sides, doing so is likely to scare them off. Save those conversations and expectations for a mental health professional.

• Make new friends. You’ve already started a new chapter in your life as a result of the divorce. Maybe this is a good time to form some new friendships as well. Get involved with a club or activity. Take a class or volunteer. These are opportunities to mingle with individuals who share similar interests. You may even want to look online for a divorce support group as it simultaneously offers a chance to obtain emotional support and meet new people. Making friends takes time, and while you don’t want to rush it or force it, you will need to put forth some effort.

• Take care of yourself. During and after the divorce, make your physical and mental health a priority. Connect with individuals who naturally lift you up and support your new life. If necessary, see a therapist who can help you navigate the changes that are taking place in your life. And don’t neglect your physical well-being. Regular exercise and healthy eating are integral parts of the entire self-care process.

Divorce brings with it many challenges, and not the least of these is a changing circle of friends. Do your best to maintain the old friends who understand and respect your new life, but realize that losing some friends may be a natural part of the divorce process. Above all, focus on meeting new people who are supportive and fun to be around.

Image by irinakeinanen from Pixabay

Dr. David Lowenstein is a Columbus, Ohio-based psychologist with more than 35 years of experience. He conducts individual, family, and group therapy sessions in his German Village office and also via telehealth. Dr. Lowenstein is also available for expert forensic testimony, and for educational workshops and presentations. He is frequently called upon as an expert source for print, radio, and broadcast media. Contact Dr. Lowenstein at Lowenstein & Associates, 691 South Fifth Street, Columbus, Ohio, 43206, or call 614.443.6155 or 614.444.0432.