If you and your ex recently split, this could be the first year you don’t celebrate Mother’s Day as a nuclear family. That might require some big adjustments on your part as you learn to navigate this new reality. Gone are the days of fancy gifts, breakfast in bed, and all-day pampering. Unless your kids are old enough to plan things without the help of the other parent, you’re in this alone now. Although that may seem depressing, it doesn’t have to be. Instead, think of it as an opportunity to start anew. Here’s how.

• Plan something new. Those traditions you were loyal to in the past – such as a favorite family restaurant or activity – need to change. Repeating those same rituals will only lead to painful memories, and nobody wants that. Talk with your kids about what they’d like to do, and together you can come up with a new plan for how to spend the day. Whether it’s a trip to the zoo or a picnic in the park, settle on something new that represents a fresh start.

• Get together with other single moms and their kids. Chances are you know a single parent or two who would love to bring their kids along and join your celebration or activity. You’ll benefit from the company of other single adults, and your kids will enjoy the party-like atmosphere.

• Communicate with your ex-spouse. As co-parents, open and effective communication is important no matter the topic. But holidays and special occasions require added flexibility. It’s also important to share expectations so there are no misunderstandings or bad feelings. Of course, if your relationship with your ex allows, and you’re comfortable with it, bringing the whole family together for Mother’s Day may still be possible.

• Honor other moms in the family. Whether it’s a grandmother or a stepmom, there may be other mothers in the lives of your children. Recognizing their role in the family helps your children understand how important these people are. Emphasize to your children how much these other people love them as well.   

• Be patient with the change. Like so many holidays, Mother’s Day will likely feel different the first year after your divorce. And while you may experience some sadness, it’s also possible that you could feel happier than you did when you were married. Over time, you will learn to embrace the new traditions and rituals that you develop as a new family.

Bottom line: Mother’s Day is a day to thank you for all you do for the family, even if the structure of your family has changed. Your life is changing and growing in ways you may never have imagined. While it’s okay to pamper yourself a little or mentally pat yourself on the back for adapting to a new life, it’s also important to stay focused on your kids. By creating positive memories, you will help them feel special and loved.

Image by Tammy Cuff from Pixabay

Dr. David Lowenstein is a Columbus, Ohio-based psychologist with more than 35 years of experience. He conducts individual, family, and group therapy sessions in his German Village office and also via telehealth. Dr. Lowenstein is also available for expert forensic testimony, and for educational workshops and presentations. He is frequently called upon as an expert source for print, radio, and broadcast media. Contact Dr. Lowenstein at Lowenstein & Associates, 691 South Fifth Street, Columbus, Ohio, 43206, or call 614.443.6155 or 614.444.0432.