Your divorce is final, but unwanted communication from your ex-spouse continues to be a problem. I’m not talking about behaviors such as assault, abuse, and stalking, which could mean that you need to obtain legal advice and a restraining order. Nevertheless, your ex could be tormenting you with unwanted calls, emails, and ongoing attempts to see you. This could lead to verbal and emotional harassment that threatens your emotional well-being and mental health. When this happens, there are a few things you can do to protect yourself and regain control of the situation.

• Make yourself scarce. For starters, block your ex-spouse’s phone number and all of his social media accounts. If necessary, abandon your current email account and set up a new one. Beyond that, try to avoid your ex whenever possible. This may require you to find new social outlets that don’t include your ex or his friends. If you co-parent with your ex, you may be hesitant to stop all means of communication, but a parenting app and drop-off schedule are good solutions for minimizing contact.

• Create a support network. It may be helpful to rely on close friends and family members by making them aware of your ex’s behavior. Ask them to check in with you on a regular basis to make sure you’re okay. There could be times when you’re not sure whether your ex is simply being a nuisance or his behavior has morphed into something more abusive and dangerous. Another person can be helpful for offering an objective assessment of the situation. And a strong and reliable support group can be a much-needed sounding board during this time.

• Take care of yourself. Like so many things related to mental health, exercise, healthy eating habits, and interesting hobbies can help reduce stress and improve your mental well-being. Make these a priority by incorporating them into your daily routine. You’ll not only feel better. But when you feel better, it’s easier to regain control of the situation and overcome the harassment. 

• Recognize harassment for what it is. Unwanted behavior directed at another person is considered harassment when it results in emotional distress. An ex-spouse may use it to exert control. He could be struggling to accept that the marriage has ended and may view harassment as a way to get you back. It could also be an attempt to get the upper hand in a battle over finances, child custody, or parenting issues. If you’re the victim of this behavior, you could suffer both physically and emotionally.

If an ex-spouse is causing emotional stress in your life, it’s important to see a mental health professional who can help you cope and heal. If you believe that your ex is a more serious threat, you will need to contact an attorney and, in some instances, law enforcement.

Image by Niek Verlaan from Pixabay

Dr. David Lowenstein is a Columbus, Ohio-based psychologist with more than 35 years of experience. He conducts individual, family, and group therapy sessions in his German Village office and also via telehealth. Dr. Lowenstein is also available for expert forensic testimony, and for educational workshops and presentations. He is frequently called upon as an expert source for print, radio, and broadcast media. Contact Dr. Lowenstein at Lowenstein & Associates, 691 South Fifth Street, Columbus, Ohio, 43206, or call 614.443.6155 or 614.444.0432.