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Read More...]]> According to the Centers for Disease Control, childhood obesity has more than tripled in the last 30 years, with one-third of all U.S. children now considered to be overweight or obese.

Although there are some medical conditions that can contribute to excess body weight, most overweight or obese children simply eat too much and move too little. Sedentary activities like playing video games and watching television have gradually taken the place of more active physical activities that would help kids burn more of the calories they take in. And more meals and snacks consist of processed foods and foods high in fat and sugar like fast foods, soft drinks, cookies, and candies.

Unfortunately, obesity in children and adolescents can have the same devastating effects on health as obesity in adults, including an increased risk for cardiovascular disease, diabetes, certain kinds of cancer, joint problems, and sleep apnea. But just as devastating is the damaging effect it can have on a child’s social and emotional well being.

Children who are overweight or obese may be self-conscious about their appearance and can become easy targets for teasing or bullying by other children. They also have a greater risk for developing depression than normal-weight children do.

Overweight children also may have poorer social skills than other children, so they may withdraw and have fewer friends. Stress and anxiety can result, leading to poor performance in school and other learning problems.

Think about the overweight child who is always picked last for team sports or the child who has difficulty making friends and spends her time alone on the playground. How must it feel for children to be left out of social activities like play dates and birthday parties?

No parents would wish these physical and emotional problems on their child, which is why parents must take the lead in solving this growing concern. You can begin today by taking these simple steps:

• Lead by example – involve the whole family in good eating habits and a healthier lifestyle
• Provide healthy, nutritious snacks for your children instead of high-calorie, sugary treats
• Limit television time and video games and encourage fun, physical activities
• Discuss your child’s weight with his or her pediatrician to make sure there are no underlying medical reasons for the weight gain
• Talk to your doctor if you think your child is suffering from depression or other emotional issues

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Children are bound to compete in many ways—for playground space, toys—even for attention from the adults in their life. We live in a world where competition is inevitable and a natural part of life. That said, it’s a parent’s job to channel their child’s competitive urge in ways that benefit the child’s development into a responsible adult.

Unfortunately, our society has glorified competition and celebrated winning to the point where children have a difficult time competing in a healthy way. In sports, we see parents who get extremely upset when their kids don’t win the game. As adults, we tend to think only of the benefits of competition, which leads us to encourage competition in our children as a way of preparing them to succeed in life.

While it’s true that healthy competition can increase a child’s energy and spirit, and it can stimulate better performance, it can also interfere with good performance and even lead to depression. Children are quick to notice when parents say one thing and do another. They follow our examples—and not our words. That’s why it’s so important to set a positive example for helping our children develop healthy attitudes about competition. In fact, it’s far better for parents to emphasize kindness and cooperation over competitiveness. Here are some helpful guidelines for parents:

• Examine your own lifestyle. You are the role model. If your child sees that you focus more on getting a promotion than on the needs of the family, he is likely to grow up to be competitive, perhaps foregoing his own emotional needs in favor of economic goals.

• Reduce competition between siblings. Sometimes parents make comparisons between their children without even realizing it. “Why can’t you be more like your brother and keep your room clean?” or “Your sister understands math; why can’t you?” Avoid this kind of talk. By doing so, you help to lessen feelings of competition between siblings and improve family relationships overall.

• Emphasize learning over grades. It’s never a good idea to encourage your child’s academic performance efforts by offering money or gifts for good grades or to punish a child for earning poor grades. Instead, recognize that children need to learn for the joy of learning—because they are naturally curious about a subject—not because they fear they won’t live up to your expectations. It helps to think of grades as guides, indications of your child’s special talents or signals of her need for assistance.

• Accept your children as they are. That means loving your children with their likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses—without pushing them to be someone they aren’t. Children who feel secure about themselves have higher self-esteem and don’t have an urgent need to get ahead simply for the sake of winning or being the best. 

Read More...]]> As a parent, you may be struggling with how to talk with your children about a shooting rampage. It is important to remember that children look to their parents to make them feel safe. This is true no matter what age your children are—toddlers, adolescents, or even young adults.

Consider the following tips for helping your children manage their distress.

Talk with your child. Talking to your children about their worries and concerns is the first step to help them feel safe and begin to cope with the events occurring around them. What you talk about and how you say it depends on their age, but all children need to be able to know you are there listening to them.

• Find times when they are most likely to talk, such as riding in the car, before dinner or at bedtime.
• Start the conversation. Let them know you are interested in them and how they are coping with the information they are getting.
• Listen to their thoughts and point of view. Don’t interrupt; allow them to express their ideas and understanding before you respond.
• Express your own opinions and ideas without diminishing theirs. Acknowledge that it is okay to disagree.
• Remind them that you are there for them to provide safety, comfort and support. Give them a hug.

Keep home a safe place. Children, regardless of age, often find home to be a safe haven when the world around them seems overwhelming. During times of crisis, it is important to remember that your children may come home to seek that safe feeling. Help make it a place where your children find the solitude or comfort they need. Plan a night where everyone participates in a favorite family activity.

Watch for signs of stress, fear or anxiety. After a traumatic event, it is typical for children (and adults) to experience a wide range of emotions, including fearfulness, shock, anger, grief and anxiety. Your children’s behaviors may change because of their response to the event. They may experience trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating on school work, or changes in appetite. This is normal for everyone and should begin to disappear in a few months. Encourage your children to put their feelings into words by talking about them or journaling. Some children may find it helpful to express their feelings through art.

Take “news breaks”. Your children may want to stay informed by gathering information about the event from the internet, television or newspapers. It is important to limit the amount of time spent watching the news because constant exposure may actually heighten their anxiety and fears. Also, scheduling some breaks for yourself is important; allow yourself some time to engage in activities you enjoy.

Take care of yourself. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your children. Be a model for your children on how to manage traumatic events. Keep regular schedules for activities such as family meals and exercise to help restore a sense of security and normalcy.

These tips and strategies can help you guide your children through the current crisis. If you are feeling stuck or overwhelmed, you may want to consider talking to someone who could help. A licensed mental health professional such as a psychologist can assist you in developing an appropriate strategy for moving forward. It is important to get professional help if you feel like you are unable to function or perform basic activities of daily living.

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This week is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week–a time to focus on a group of illnesses that currently affects approximately 8 million Americans from all walks of life. Although eating disorders are more prevalent among women, men and children can also suffer from these debilitating illnesses.

Eating disorders relate to eating habits or attitudes about weight and body shape that result in issues such as loss of self-control, obsession with food and/or weight, anxiety, and guilt as well as alienation from others and possible life-threatening physiological imbalances.

Types of eating disorders include anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and compulsive overeating, with each being equally devastating to the lives of those affected by the illness.

Those with anorexia nervosa suffer from a distorted body image and an intense fear of gaining weight. Their daily lives are consumed with managing their food and calorie intake, which often results in drastic weight loss.

Individuals with bulimia nervosa are caught in a self-defeating cycle of bingeing and purging. During binges, they often feel out of control and consume large quantities of food. Afterwards, they begin to feel physical discomfort as well as anxiety about possible weight gain, so they purge the food they have just eaten. Typically, they induce vomiting or use laxatives, although some people also may engage in excessive exercising and fasting.

Compulsive overeaters also go through periods of continuous eating or gorging on food. However, unlike those with bulimia nervosa, they may not purge the food but instead may engage in sporadic fasting or repetitive dieting.

Eating disorders may begin as early as 10 years of age or younger; however, more than 75 percent of those suffering from an eating disorder report the onset of the illness between the ages of 11 and 20, and more than half report that their illness lasted from one to 10 years.

To help someone recover from an eating disorder, follow these do’s and don’ts:

• Do encourage him/her to eat properly
• Do express your love and support
• Do take time to listen
• Do emphasize the positive and compliment the person on things she/he does right
• Do help her/him find a support system
• Do realize that other, non-food factors are the true cause of the problem

• Don’t try to force him/her to eat or to stop exercising
• Don’t become angry or punitive
• Don’t be impatient or expect an instant recovery
• Don’t lecture
• Don’t place blame on anyone
• Don’t make her/him feel guilty for having an eating disorder
• Don’t pretend it will all just go away

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How can you make Valentine’s Day more meaningful than just another Hallmark holiday?

While it’s always fun to exchange cards and share the typical chocolate, gift or romantic dinner, we believe the day can be used more consciously than that. We propose using Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to assess the temperature of your love relationship.

You can do this assessment any time throughout the day so it doesn’t interfere with your traditional celebration. Here are a few topics that couples can explore together:

Communication

• Is your partner available and interested in what you have to say?
• How much do you disclose to each other about everyday events?
• Is there an issue that you avoid in discussions?
• How do you deal with conflict resolution?
• How do you argue?
• Are you harboring any resentment that needs to be expressed?
• How could your partner facilitate more open dialogue?

Intimacy

• Are you satisfied with the level of intimacy in your relationship?
• Do you share enough physical affection?
• Are you happy with the sexual relationship?
• Do you appreciate each other and take the time to share compliments?
• Do you spend enough time together to enhance your sense of intimacy?

Finances

• How well are you handling individual and shared finances?
• Do you communicate about any potential financial strains in the relationship?
• Do you talk openly about credit card bills, budgets, borrowing and saving? Are you on the same page about managing your financial life together?

Family Relationships

• How is your relationship with other members of the family?
• Are your children getting sufficient attention from both of you?
• Are parents, in-laws and other relatives bringing you closer together or pushing you apart?
• Are you avoiding any family issues that need to be addressed?
• Do you express your appreciation for the people who matter to you?

Take this quick inventory, and tune in to any areas that may need attention. It’s a great way to celebrate Valentine’s Day!

Read More...]]> The physical and emotional consequences for the victims of bullying can be severe. Children who are bullied are:

• At greater risk of depression and lower self-esteem later in life
• More likely to report migraine and non-migraine headaches
• Prone to missing more school because of excused and unexcused absences
• At higher risk for running away from home
• More likely to have problems with alcohol and drug use

In some instances, the bullying may be so severe and go on for such a long time that the victim has thoughts of suicide—or he may actually commit suicide. Victims are more likely to attempt suicide than their non-bullied peers. In fact, the term “bullycide” is used to describe a suicide that occurs due to extreme bullying behavior.

Here are some of the short-term and long-term effects of bullying:

Short term:

• Anger
• Depression
• Anxious avoidance of settings in which bullying may occur
• Greater incidence of illness
• Lower grades than non-bullied peers
• Suicidal thoughts

Long term:

• Reduced occupational opportunities
• Lingering feelings of anger and bitterness and a desire for revenge
• Difficulty trusting people
• Interpersonal difficulties, including fear and avoidance of new social situations
• Increased tendency to be a loner
• Perception of self as easy to victimize, overly sensitive and thin-skinned
• Self-esteem problems
• Increased incidence of continued bullying and victimization

Yet, in spite of its prevalence, bullying is too often overlooked or downplayed among parents and educators. Many bullying activities take place out of the view of adults, but even those activities that occur within plain sight are often ignored. Consider this:

• As many as one-fourth of elementary and middle school teachers don’t understand the seriousness of bullying or putdowns and, therefore, intervene in only 4 percent of these incidents.
• More than two-thirds of middle school students believe that schools respond poorly to bullying.

Read More...]]> “Ask Dr. Dave” is a forum for discussions which interest you. If you have specific questions about mental health,  overall family well-being, child and adolescent behavior, or issues that impact our communities and schools, Dr. David Lowenstein can help.

Please contact Dr. Lowenstein via this website and your question will be considered for our monthly topic. Although we may ask you for your email address, your personal identity will always remain confidential.

We emphasize that this forum is for general discussion only and is not a substitute for a patient-doctor relationship. We only offer suggestions, guidance, and help you discover alternatives that you may have not previously considered. We encourage you to participate and hope to hear from you!

Read More...]]> Today we know that bullying can have long-term effects on both the victim—and the bully. As an adult, the bully has a greater risk of being involved in criminal behavior, and both the bully and the victim may suffer from future health and mental health problems. In fact, years after the bullying occurred, adults who were bullied as teens have higher levels of depression and poorer self-esteem than other adults. And, six out of 10 kids identified as bullies in middle school are convicted of a crime by the time they reach age 24. It’s a sobering scenario. Here’s a closer look at these long-term effects.

• Some victims of bullying experience immediate mental or physical health-related consequences. Studies show that victims have more anxiety, sadness, sleep difficulties, low self-esteem, headaches, stomach pain, and general tension than their peers who are not being bullied. Researchers from Finland discovered that victims are more likely than bullies to suffer from anxiety disorders, such as depression, separation anxiety and panic disorder. Also, this psychological stress can cause victims’ bodies to be less resistant to disease and infection, and therefore, they may get sick more often.

• In the social area, victims have few friends or none at all. Due to their high anxiety level and low self-worth, it is very hard for them to make friends. This leads to feelings of isolation and the belief that they are not even worthy of friendships. Often, other kids don’t want to become friends with the victims because they are afraid that they will be bullied as well. Another reason that other kids do not hang around with victims is because they worry that peers will not like them if they associate with the victims.

• When victims are sad or lonely, this can affect how they perform in school. Since many victims are afraid to go to school, they may suffer from poor attendance. They might be afraid to ride the school bus or use the bathroom at school. One study found that 8 percent of 8th graders in the United States miss at least one day of school each month because they are afraid of bullies.  Victims often earn lower grades due to poor attendance, stress and worry. They become obsessed with the bullying and how to avoid it. This leaves little or no time, energy or concern for schoolwork and learning. A vicious cycle can occur because the victim’s poor school performance can lead to embarrassment and anxiety, which may in turn increase the bullying.

• Victims may become violent, either at the time of the bullying or in the future. This violent behavior may be directed at themselves, at their school in general, or in the form of retaliation toward the bully. Sometimes the violent behavior can lead to even more bullying towards the victim, as the bullies seek revenge on the victim for bullying them.

 Dr. Lowenstein recently appeared on NBC4 with Cabot Rea to discuss bullying and the associated consequences. If you saw the segment, we’d love to hear your comments. Or, feel free to share your thoughts on this sobering topic.